Yesterday, we went to the Celebration of Life service for Martin Sikes. I've been very emotional about his passing away and I'm struggling to understand the reasons for the depth of my emotions. I was part of a group of people who called ourselves the Excursionists during university, from roughly 1985 to 1991. I had drifted far from Martin since then. My lifestyle of virtual office work in enterprise software, family, exercise, safe vacations to Europe, etc. didn't seem to fit with Martin's almost exact opposite lifestyle of bachelor, wildly successful gaming entrepreneur, DJ, Rave organizer, hobo train traveler to New Orleans and other places, inventor of many electronics devices, and wild traveler to South America and other places.
At his celebration of life service, I wanted to speak a few words about Martin. I wanted to talk about his amazing ability to form connections, like the people I drove to the service with were my wife whom shared a locker with Martin at UBC before I knew her and we met via Martin, and the best man at our wedding whom I met at the infamous Martin Geek party of 1985. I wanted to point out that the glow-in-the-dark stars on his dodge colt were there because Steve, Wendy, I think Richard, and myself put them there as a prank and this was an example of how he inspired others to be creative. I wanted to say that I admired his amazing creativity, like the time we were playing elevator tag as a team and we decided to move the floor lobby furniture into the elevators and see how long they would stay. I wanted to say how much I admired his positive energy, like the time we all got together last summer at his penthouse apartment, and it felt like I hadn't missed a beat. (As I write this, I'm starting to cry yet again so I have to pause for while). I wanted to say that Martin will always be remembered, in even small things like my son's fascination with trains reminds me of Martin's amazing fascination with trains.
All these and more I wanted to say but I couldn't. I couldn't even make it through other people's speeches without crying. This is my attempt to say the things, and yet I couldn't even write these words without having to pause a few times.
Why the amount of emotion for somebody whom I had become very distant from? Is it because Martin was the first of our group of friends to die? Is it because he died far too soon? Is it because of the qualities of him as a man, like the amazingly creative and positive person he was? Is it because of all of the opportunities I had to do amazing things with him and did? or the ones that I didn't and will never be able to?
Maybe it is all of those and more. I don't know yet the reasons. Maybe I never will.
I will miss him very much, far more than I realized.
It was great to see so many people there. I was inspired by the whole event to be a better person.
To be more like Martin was.
Be sure to stay in touch. The Wik sounds good. The ladies can drink wine, the men beer.
I too have spent the last few days running throught the same questions, and similarly, trying to make sense of my deep sadness given that I too, lost contact with Martin with the exception of a few e-mails in the last ten years.
I enjoyed the Celebration of Life, loved seeing old friends and loved hearing the stories. Derek and Yo and the others delivered such great eulogies and I too wished to get up and speak. I wish now that Ihad known that there would be an open mike, an opportunity to do just that.
That Dodge Colt transported me to and from UBC on a regular basis, sticky stars and all. Martin was a fixture in my life from Grade eight until my fourth year of University. He guided me through Physics 12 and then started to take me on a journey that was far better.
Martin did coax me, the class square peg, into a manhole on Burnaby Mountain. The chosen beverage for that party was a big bottle of Pink New York Seltzer. All I remembered from the excursion was that the dairyland crate (which very CLEARLY said that it was the property of DAIRYLAND) was ever so important if you wanted to get OUT of the manhole.
Martin also coaxed me into trying train jumping. Typical for me though, I only agreed to do it on a train that wasn't really going anywhere. We never made it out of the yard.
Martin would see something he wanted to try and just do it. Memories of camping, ahem, trespassing on the Squamish Reserve flooded back as I sifted through photographs. Yes, we were discovered and then after talking to Yo and Martin, members of the Squamish Nation treated us to a salmon BBQ and whizzed us around on the river in their boats.
I love Martin and news of his passing hit me so hard. I regret not reconnecting in a more meaningful way after our highschool reunion last year. Like you, family, a business and life caused me to turn down the invitations to his condo and to the parties that he organized.
I have wrestled with this story of an inquizzitive, creative, brilliant little boy, turning into a creative, loving successful man but all the while keeping the child in him alive and then being so generous in sharing his love with all of us. The ending of this story does not seem seem fair.
The universe delivers in strange ways and somehow this is all ok.
Strangely the story does reveal the simple and universal truth that Martin knew and I think all of us knows and that is wealth, success, genius or not does not set a person above any other.
We are all connected, all one and although Martin is remembered as extraordinary, which he was in our eyes the universal truth is that he was just like everyone else. He demonstrated again and again his sameness and equality with everyone. I think he loved everyone he met. His love will live on in me and everyone else, and our love for him is with him. It's simple really, that is the way he liked it and he always knew it.
EA